I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
