You're completely useless in the revolution.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
