my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
