My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
