Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
