now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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