so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
