since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
