Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
