I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
