i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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