It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
