Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
