I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
