if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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