Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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