Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
