on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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