hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
