Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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