if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
