Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
