I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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