Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
