apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
