this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize