wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
