why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
