i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
