i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i believe in u and ur pee
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
