I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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