Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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