Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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