my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
