all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
me + whiskey = a bad person
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
