"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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