No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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