Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
