I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
