I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
