pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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