My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
