Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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