my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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