I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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