I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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