so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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