Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
