I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
