he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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