He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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