i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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