therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
