this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize