New low: just hacked my moms facebook
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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