That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
