Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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