He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize