what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
