Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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