I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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