speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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